This is part of a journal entry I wrote last Monday. It’s kind of dark and whiny, and I had no plans to post it. However, a friend encouraged me to share my experience because she thought it might resonate with other people, even if it’s not pretty:
The last two weeks have been rough. We moved into our tiny apartment that’s dark, dingy and old. It has a teeny kitchen with very little counter space and storage. I love cooking, but in this kitchen, it’s become a messy, frustrating juggling act (hence, no Favorite Recipe Fridays).
I start my new job next week, and I’ll have the privilege of working from this lovely home. My office will be our kitchen table that is currently in the middle of our living room, blocking the kitchen so it’s out of the way from our dripping ceiling. (It was raining, and we had a couple leaks in the roof.)
Also, Rick’s car died, and the repairs are too costly to justify.
Emotionally, I’m riding a roller coaster. I’m getting over leaving my old job and our former apartment with the spacious kitchen and pantry. I miss being closer to family and feeling safe with familiar surroundings.
I’m getting ready to begin a new job, which I’m excited about and nervous. I have two weeks off between jobs, and though I appreciate some down time, I’m anxious without structure. It’s also that time of year when the winter blues are coming around, so that’s a whole different story.
I’m mad at our student loans and the fact that they’re taking so long to pay off and that I’m not living in a nice house with a huge kitchen in sunny, 80-degree weather.
So that was my obnoxious Monday pity party. I felt awful and couldn’t see all the good in my situation. It would have been nice to go buy something to make myself feel better or to just cry and watch TV all day. But, really, how would that have helped? I recognized my sour mood and decided to snap myself out of it.
Though it didn’t feel good, allowing myself to wallow and cry for a short time helped. I was able to feel my feelings, and then gradually move past them. I journaled about how I was feeling, read it over, and realized how ridiculous I sounded. I did some yoga, went for a walk, prayed and drank some tea. I felt much more empowered and hopeful later.
Counting my blessings…
I am lucky to have a job lined up so quickly after moving due to Rick’s job change. And two weeks off in-between! I’m so fortunate to have a roof over my head and a fridge full of food. Rick’s car picked the perfect time to poop-out as I’ll be working from home, and we can easily do without two cars. We have an emergency fund so we technically could afford a new used car if we needed one. We have our health and strong relationships with friends, family and each other. This mood, apartment and debt are all temporary.
I am way more fortunate than I could see in that dark moment on Monday, and I feel absolutely silly about it looking back now.
I guess we all struggle sometimes. What helps you leave your pity party and bring yourself back down to earth?